Monday, December 19, 2011

Being a good parent means being a prude?

My Mother was not the best Mother. She had me 2 months after her 15th birthday. She was still young and she held on to her youth until about..... oh, I'd say about 2 years ago. So I was exposed to stuff I shouldn't have been. I always told myself, "I am going to be better than her!".
  So once I had kids I ran with it. I had to be PERFECT! I became a prude.
to me being a Mom meant:

Modest Church clothes 24/7
NO going out (Not even dates with my husband)
Not leaving my kids with anyone for any reason.
Doing EVERYTHING by 'the book'.

I really became insane. Everything had to be just so. My family and marriage really suffered from it. I suffered from it. I am silly jokester. I could no longer be funny, I couldn't tell jokes, I wasn't allowed to drink.  My kids had to be perfectly clean. They weren't allowed candy because they might get sticky, GASP!!!! Our marriage almost ended over it. No joke. I was a damn crazy BITCH!
  No wonder I became depressed!
       Now I would sell my left arm ( Not my right, because I use that one too much) to go out with out the kids, I have eased up, but I am still a bit over the top. Now listen, I am not talking down on people who are like that. That's fine if that is truly who you are. BUT THE REAL ME IS NOT LIKE THAT! I love to have fun, cuss, and say really perverted things. I'm a total dude at times. I like it that way. I mean I try to limit myself around my kids.  BUT at the same time I realized this;
REAL people say "damn, shit, fuck", I don't want my kids to be shocked and confused when they hear someone say that! I want them to know that people say that stuff but it is not OK for them to say it right now. When the are old enough they can, but they know it is not OK right now. That is what I want! I don't want to raise a bunch of uptight robots that freeze up when they are out in the real world.
  Just because I am a mother doesn't mean I have to go all Stepford and shit. I am not mother fucking June cleaver. I NEVER will be!
  I don't want to hide in the closet, pull out a pint of vodka from my coat pocket and chug that bastard, I want to be able to be slightly civilized and do that shit in my kitchen if I feel the need. Yes Mommy does drink a margarita here, or a bloody Mary there. I am an adult and allowed to do so. I don't drink often, maybe once a month. But if I didn't allow myself to have those drinks when I felt like it, I would fucking blow up.
  I love my children, but I am real and sometimes they drive me bonkers and I watch the clock ready for bedtime. Does that make me a bad Mom? Only to those Stepford Mom who are still lying to themselves. I am a mother, I'm not dead! I'm 24, young, and still want to have fun. I am learning that there is a happy medium to where I was and where my Mom was. I just have to find what feels right for me. What's right for me isn't right for everyone and whats right for everyone isn't right for me. You have to find your own happy and your own normal.
  There is some shit though, that you shouldn't be so lax about, like car seats. That is one thing I WILL judge you on! That shit isn't a matter of opinion.

1 comment:

  1. I was totally like that when I had Marc.I had this crazy idea of being the "perfect parent".I totally blew that after a few months but I think I have done a good job of being his mom.....I always enjoy reading your blogs Erica :)

    ReplyDelete